Today was....rough.

I feel bad for the people that follow me on Twitter some days.  Today was one of those days.  Today was rough, and they heard all about how sad I was....

My grandmother passed away on St. Patrick's Day this year.  Just a few days after her 76th birthday.  While I was not super close to that side of my family, it still struck a very deep, sad chord with me.  This was the woman that I would spend a week or so with during the summer while in elementary school.  She took me horseback riding for the first time; she swore she wouldn't ride with us, but she did!  Her house is where we would sleep on Christmas Eve and open presents on Christmas Day; I still have the teddy bear that my great grandma made before she passed away and my grandma gave me the following Christmas.  This was the woman that would always have chocolate milk in the fridge for us.  She would always have sweet corn and watermelon when it was in season; I remember my grandpa would cut the watermelon in half, one side he would eat by himself the other side split evenly between myself, my sister, and my grandma.  While I didn't live as close to her as my cousins did (they lived about 5 minutes away, we lived over an hour away), we had a special relationship.  It was different than what she had with the other grand kids.  It was ours.  There are things I told her that I never told anyone else, things I did with her that if I ever do again, I will always think of her. 

Well, today was the first day we spent going through her home.  It was just stuff and a place, but everywhere I looked I had a memory, everything I touched had a memory.  One of her friends had asked for a specific quilt that my grandma had, and when she picked it up today after it was found she said that it was just something between them that meant something and words couldn't describe it.  On the drive home, I looked at mom when we were talking about what we wanted from the house and I said, "What was quintessentially my grandma, what I think of when I think of her, she gave me, with the exception of a couple of things."  My grandma's table sat next to a china hutch that was full of stuff for as long as I could remember.  In there were little figurines of the California Raisins (remember those?!?!  haha), I can remember sitting on my grandpa or grandma's lap and playing with them on the table while the adults talked after dinner.  I can remember bending their little arms and stuff.  Well, when my grandma asked what I wanted for Christmas a couple of years ago, I said I wanted those if she didn't want them any more.  I didn't get them for Christmas, she gave them to me for my birthday a few months later.  She carefully wrapped the little plastic toys, taped like it was glass, boxed like it was Fenton or something.  I cried when I opened them, and I'm crying now as I think about them.  They're still wrapped up, in the same box she wrote on, in my closet.  I will probably not bring them out until my grand kids need to play with them at the table someday, but right now, I wouldn't give them up for the world.  Isn't it funny how it is the most random things that you attach memories to?  How you can attach a person to something that seems so insignificant without the memories, the feelings, the love?

The one thing I walked away with today was my grandma's lobster bells.  My grandma's sister lived in Maine for a while and all of us girls in the family are ocean people.  We all love it, my grandma was no different.  She adored those bells.  I remember sitting on her front porch during summer storms and her saying how much she loved the sounds of it in the wind.  My mom bought one and my grandma bought the other when they visited Maine.  My mom also has her own on our porch at the farm.  Those bells will hang in my apartment somewhere since I don't have a porch, but when I do have a porch, I will hang them and listen to them all the time. 

There are still a few things that are willed to me that I don't have, and I'm ok with that.  But, when I do have those things, they will be just as special as my pieces of plastic and metal.  I won't have many things from my grandma, but the things I do have are my grandma.  They are the things that I already think of when I think of her. 

Well, I think I've vented enough...I've cried enough today (honestly, I've cried more today than I did on the day of the funeral)...I've laughed today from the memories...I've gotten quiet and pensive.  I will probably have some more of the same tomorrow.  Thank you for reading this if you did, comments and emails {prajaline at gmail dot com} are always welcome!

My Happy Bryant

(soooo I'm at the farm, everyone is asleep and I'm wide awake so here is my pet post of the week - a day early!)

Bryant is my big boy, my big can't-mommy-still-carry-me? boy.  I love him and I love that he is giant but still is very roly poly and loving like his is 10 pounds.

Back when I was driving from my parents all the way to Dayton to work, I had a hour and a half drive.  One way.  This led to a lot of thinking time and learning how to really look around and drive at the same time.  Well, I noticed one day that there was a big sign saying "free puppys" (yeah, I know, spelled wrong, I live in the deeeeep country!) not too far from the farm.  Well, this sign was up for a couple of weeks and during those weeks my mom's dog Scruffy passed away.  She was devastated.  Absolutely broken.  My thought?  Go pick out a new puppy!  Puppies make everything a little easier to handle, right?!?! 

The week that I picked out Bryant I was initially really bummed out because the sign disappeared during the week.  I thought I had missed my chance while I was trying to talk my parents into a new puppy.  Well, lo and behold, the sign showed up on Saturday when I was on my way home.  And, apparently I had broken down my mom enough because she finally said: Well, just take your dad and go!  WOOHOO!  I had gotten (kind of....) permission for a puppy!  And I got to go with dad?  Hell, I was coming out of that place with more than one if I had anything to say about it! 

My dad shoulda known!  He shoulda known I tell ya!  We get to this really back country road farm and I feel like I start to hear banjos; you know, like in Deliverance?  It was creeeepy!  At the end of this really long driveway was a square made of chain link walls.  And inside?  Inside was a personal heaven---PUPPIES!  Lot of them!  All kinds, shapes, sizes.  I was in love with all of them and I wanted them all to come home with us!  This guy finally came out of the old barn.  Gangly.  Missing teeth.  Dirty jeans.  Half a cigar dangling from his tobacco stained lips.  Not my cup of tea, but hey, I just wanted his dogs!  He let me into the makeshift kennel and I was instantly surrounded by puppies.  He said that over the course of a week or two he had three pregnant bitches thrown into the road in front of his house and all the puppies were the result.  While he was ok keeping the girls, he wanted to be rid of all of the puppies.  He stated that he had given some away via stops from the sign, but that as of Monday he was taking the rest to a (killing) shelter.  I was heartbroken when my dad put his foot down on bringing them all home (granted my dad has said no to me maybe like a handful of times in my life so I wasn't used to it haha).  We pretty quickly picked out a dog for my mom; a very sweet natured mutt.  I wasn't leaving with just one though....

I had been keeping my eye on this fluffy ball of breathing fur that stayed in the corner and didn't really come near me when all the others did.  I'm a sucker for a project, especially one that involves winning over an animal that will grow to love and not hate people.  It took a few minutes but I got closer and finally picked him up.  He instantly nuzzled his nose into my neck and that was it.  This bugger was coming home too!  Dad finally said we had to go, and I just hopped into the truck with both dogs.  He raised and eye brow and didn't say another word to me. 

Bryant is going to be five, maybe six, I've lost count and I'm getting sleepy enough to not worry too much.  He is my loving boy.  I used to carry him around until he got too big and heavy, well he still thinks I can carry him when he is now over 100 pounds and can look me in the eye when he stands on his hind legs.  But he is soooo lovingly, and playful.  He gives lots of kisses.  He rolls in the grass with you.  He is just a generally excited puppy minded dog.  And without further ado....here are the few non-blurry pictures of my baby.  Oh, and he is estimated via my vet to be half Australian Shepherd and half Newfoundland.  And yes, he has black spots on his tongue - you can't see it, but on the one side is a crescent shaped black spot.

My very FIRST button! Well, actually my second...

I made a button for my little corner of the internet (plus I figured out how to add my favorites to the right column too, check 'em out and give some love!!!)!  Go me!  I made one earlier for the Book Swap (see!  It is right over there --> ) and now here is the code for my blog in general, let me know if you have any issues with it!

If you put it on your page, comment me so I can grab yours now that I know how/where to put all that html gibberish! :)

<a href="www.littlelifeofmine.blogspot.com/"><img src="http://i1183.photobucket.com/albums/x474/prajaline/llom1.jpg?t=1302986397" /></a>

Book Swap!

I wanna do a book swap, if you're interested please let me know via a comment here or email [ prajaline at gmail . com ]
I'm not kidding when I say that I have *boxes* of books, older ones, new ones, funny ones, serious ones, long ones, short ones so I'm down for any kind of book!  I think it would be fun!

Update - 04/16

I've made a button for the book swap if you would like add it to your page, send me an email and I will send you the html code since I don't know how to add it underneath haha
Oh!  And I'm thinking that we will see where we are as far as sign ups around May 1st (hopefully this will give us a good amount of time to get some sign ups!).  Remember, if you want to sign up or have any questions, please email me at the above address!

Update - 04/18

I just wanted to add a quick note letting everyone who stops by know that you don't have to be on Blogger to join the swap!  Just shoot me a quick email and I will add you to the list!  Oh, and we are up to 4 people total in the swap!  Go us!!!

Update - 04/25

Special THANKS to Haley for adding the button as well as Camille....Hoping to get at least a few more guys and gals but I'm excited for even just the four of us involved now.  I am thinking of doing this round robin style (a sends to b, b sends to c, etc) and as for the type of book?  Anything goes!  I'm all for reading books that I normally wouldn't pick up from the shelf.  Let me know if you have any questions!  I will be emailing all involved on May 1st with instructions from there :)

Update - 05/15

Hey everyone!  I've gotten a couple of emails asking if it is too late to be involved.  For this round, yes, most, if not all, packages have been sent.  BUT - I'm in the process of re-designing this project and will post soon about a ROUND TWO!!!!!!

My cuddle buddy

<3 my elroy.

The passing of time....

It hit me today that my little booger butt is going to be EIGHT months old this month.  EIGHT MONTHS!  I mentioned that to my momma today with these words: Holy cow, B is going to be 8 months, it is like things take forever and then time comes out of nowhere and just smacks you in the face!

Her response?  "Yep, today you're 25 and before you know you'll be 30, then 40, then 50."

I, politely, reminded her that no matter how old I get, she will always be 30 years older than me :)

Then on my way home (it is an hour and a half drive, so I get a lot of time to think!) I started thinking about how different my life is, how different my friendships are, how different my goals and dreams are from when I was in elementary school, middle school, high school, and even my "early" twenties!  So, I thought it would be fun to go down memory lane a bit and really break it down so it is here for me to look back on.....

Elementary School: My best friend was Candi (she goes by Candice now, and I still call her Candi haha) and she lived on a hog farm -- delightful, right?  That little (is was over 100 acres, still small from where I came from) farm was my own little fairy tale land, it was sooooo incredibly different from our house in town.  Friendships boiled down to who you could chat with at recess and who would dangle on the monkey bars with you; gosh I miss those days!  All I wanted to be in life was a mommy and a school teacher, pretty simple request, right?  And, my dreams?  Well they usually revolved around how many hours I spent at the pool in the summer or how many hours I could spend building a snow fort with my brother in the snow. 

Middle School: My sixth grade year, we merged with three other schools so there were a ton of new people to get to know!  (random side note, of all the people in my class in sixth grade, something like 95% of us graduated together -- in our class of 60-some)  Anywhooo, my best friends included: Heather (who is still one of my best friends!), Sarah, Candi, Ashley....honestly I still talk to all of these girls, but Heather and I are still super close.  Our friendships revolved around the excessive adoration of the newly found BOY and and the mutual hatred of the other new find in our lives, homework!  A little more drama than elementary school, but hey, I'd still take it over bills and such of these days!  My goals back then?  Hm, school teacher still ranked up there, but my eyes were opening to the fact that the world was much bigger than the little village that my dad was mayor of, it was more than just growing up, getting married, and having babies that would start the cycle all over again.  My dreams revolved around boys, and boys, and boys...and how to get out of doing my homework.

High School: Oh, wow!  My high school was full of drama!  I should say that one of my best friends was the boyfriend I maintained all four years, but honestly, other than the girls, my best friend was my boyfriend's best friend.  The one that I emotionally cheated on him with....for most of the four years we were together.  Go ahead, hate on me, but I was young and didn't know how to handle a relationship that wasn't working.  Our friendship came from so many things, but most likely, the roots of it came from the fact that we had much deeper feelings but had *no* idea how to handle those feelings.  Goals?  Oh gosh, this is really when my goals became very varied!  One day I wanted to be a school teacher, then a librarian, then an interior designer, a chef, a bakery owner...the list went on and on and on.  Dreams were filled with boys, parties, and still trying to figure out how to get of all that homework!!

Early 20's: My best friends from high school and I are still friends, we have the friendship that always grounds us; we can go a while without speaking and then all at once, within seconds, we become the giggling group of girls that bond over everything under the sun.  That group of girls expanded though, and the girls that I worked with slid in.  Our friendships were built from late night gab sessions in our first apartments, drinking wayyyy more than we ever should have, and bonding over bills/work/etc.  We were becoming adults together, finding our place in the world and deciding that our places included growing up next to each other so that we can share all of our life experiences.  My goals have changed with the tides these last few years.  When I was working, I threw my everything into it and made that job my goal, I shaped my life, and to an extent my future, around that place.  All the goals that have recently came back (becoming a baker, a librarian, something that is a true passion) took a very far back seat in my mind.  I wonder where those will take me someday....As for my dreams?  Well, my dreams these days revolve about settling down some day (hopefully soon...) and actually being passionate with what I spend my days doing.

Well this was fun!  I think everyone should do this!!!  I love looking back through my journals and seeing what took precedence in my life at any given time....There's a journal I saw once that was really neat, it was like a five year question journal that asked you a question every day and had spots to answer it on the same day for the following four years.  If anyone knows where I can find it, def let me know!  And, if you happen upon this and post something similar on your blog, comment me with the link!  I'd love to see some responses!!

My Sweet Sweet Maximus

My Maximus.  My sweet sweet little boy.  He came in to our lives in a roundabout sort of way via a pregnant stray, but more on that story in a minute.....Max is the sweetest, loving-est puppy of our bunch probably and has been for the last eight-ish years.

Maximus also goes by many names (all of our pets do...): Max, Maxi, Maxeeeeeeeemus

My Max definitely has his momma's sweet temperament.  She showed up to the barn we used to board our horses out.  Annnnnd, she was prego.  If you know outside animals, you should also be aware of the fact that usually animals born in litters during the fall/winter months (especially in freezing Ohio) usually don't survive well.  Little Missy (we can be soooo unoriginal with the names some times!) was a better momma than we could ever have imagined though.  The litter was born on Christmas Eve so all the puppies originally had reindeer names, and I honestly don't remember what Max's was.  I gave him the name Maximus because, quite frankly, he was the fattest of the bunch and "Maximum" just didn't quite sound right.  There were six puppies total, and dad said we couldn't keep any of them because we were keeping Missers at the barn.  Well, (and I'm using all their current names....) Buddy went to my (now) sister-in-law, Pooper went to my (at the time) sister's boyfriend's family, Bear went to friend of my brother, two (sorry, I don't know their names now....) went to the owner of the car lot that my family used excessively, and Maximus went to a family friend. 

I think I cried for a day or two or eight.  I just had an odd attachment to this sweet little guy (see above photo!) and I wanted to keep him.  If we give animals away, we give them with one condition of: if it doesn't work out, give them back, DO NOT take them to the pound.  Thankfully, one day when I came home from school, Max was tied in the driveway.  I was ELATED!  My sweet guy had been brought back, and now daddy just couldn't tell me no haha!  And that is where Maxi has stayed for the rest of his time with us, in the driveway.  That's his spot, I think he likes saying hi to everyone that comes over.

Max hasn't given me near as many heart attacks as Cody has.  He's very even tempered, though I wouldn't put it past him to get pretty mean if someone were being mean to one of the family.  He loves it when I take him for rides, and I'm the only one that does for some reason; he is very much a back seat dog, that is until the car stops and then it is right into the front seat to see out the windshield.  This was ok when I drove a tiny little car, much harder now that I drive my Jeep.  He loves to run really fast away from you, pounce down on his front legs and then jump and run really fast back to you.  He nearly knocks me over sometimes but I'd go down laughing because he is just too funny when he does it.  Oh, and hate me all you want for this, but he gets french fries every year on his birthday.  Every.Year. 

And, well, I only have a few pictures of him, but they are adorable as all my furry babies are....