Unsure.

A reception for my sister & her new husband shouldn't cause me so much turmoil, but it is.  I'm so on the fence about going.  The wedding was eye opening to the fact that she really hasn't changed as much as I wanted or hoped she had changed due to the divorce she went through.  Then add the fact that she completely skipped out on Bryce's birthday.  No phone call.  No card sent.  Nothing.  That was upsetting to many more people than just me.  Then, when I sent her a couple of pictures, she posted them to facebook like she had been there.  Quite similar to the way she'd post pictures I would send from the NICU.  Now, that just pissed me off.  I also have quite literally spoken via a dozen or so texts to her in about 2 1/2 months...and before that?  We went a solid month without communicating at all.  Now, tonight she's raving on facebook about his family and how awesome & helpful they've been.  Honestly, I feel like my entire family has been slapped in the face.  It is important to note that this is the same family that has put her down so bad that she used to call me crying and upset (they've also made rude - very very very very rude - comments about the rest of my family, including my prents).  I live my relationship with her in a constant state of being torn between wanting to be there for her in every aspect of growing up & living and then wanting nothing to do with her. 

As to if I'm going to the reception or not....I still don't know, every person (including my mother) has told me not to go.  What do you think?

Bookworm Wednesday (v.14?) (Loaded w/pics!)

I had a lovely post all written out in my head of the books I was doing this week....and then I went to B&N.  Instead, I've decided to share what I do sometimes there....walk around and take pictures of books.  I'm sure this is illegal somehow, but I'm only taking pictures of the covers so that I can make a list of books I will buy or get from the library.  Poor girl "book shopping"?  Absolutely.  A great hobby of mine?  Yep.  (Sorry for the random shapes & blurry-ness of these....they're all phone pics...)

Love.

I could spend hours lost in bolts and bolts and more bolts of fabric.  Literally, I can spend an entire day in this one fabric store a few towns away.....it has what seems like *millions* of prints.  And you have to look at them all!  Then, sometimes I find some that speak to me on such an instinctive level that I have to own it. 

Embroidery.

I've had a bit of a bug lately.  The embroidery bug that is!  (Side note....texting with Camille this morning has given me a super bad quilting bug!)  So, here is the progression of my last piece, finished this evening...some pics you can't see much change, but I swear it is there!  Haha

Bookwork Wednesday (v.13)

Not all of my books are....how should I say it.....well, throught provoking.  Sometimes I just need to be distracted from whatever drama is going on in my life, and these books did just that.

The Book of Awesome is, well, awesome!  It is full of all the random things we've been given in life that make us smile.  Unexpected snow days.  That $5 last year's self left for this year's self in a winter coat pocket.  Memories of your family car from you childhood.  Pushing down the buttons on pop lids from restaurants.  See?  You're smiling aren't you?  Haha

My Booky Wook isn't as mindless as I thought it would be, but Russell Brand has a sense of humor about his own life (both the ups & downs) that make me want to view my life the same way.  After reading this autobiography, I'm not sure how a person can't kinda love him, at least a little bit.  I, however, adore him.

Can I share a secret?  One (just one...) of my guilty pleasures of books is Jackie Collins novels.  I eat them up as quickly as I can.  But, I never get them from a library, I only read the ones I buy - and most of them are no longer in print to where I can find them....you see one?  But it for me & I will pay you back!  Haha.....Hollywood Divorces is about just that....divorces.  In Hollywood.  Involving actors & actresses.  It has scandal, sex, drugs....everything I could ask for from a Jackie Collins novel.  LOVE.

A little holiday planning.....

Yep!  I'm already planning for the holidays!  They'll be here before we know it.  And - as an unemployed girl with very little cash flow, I'm most likely going to be making ohhhhh about 99% of the gifts I give.  As odd as it sounds, these are the moments I'm thankful I have a very select (read = tiny) group of friends.  I only exchange gifts with like three friends that I see all the time and I will be shipping to my ldb for sure along with smaller gifts to a few others.  As for family....well when I comes to my parents, I could give them the tiniest thing & a hug and they'd be happy, my brother gets beer (it has become a tradition since I turned 21 :) ), then there's a few others that I will exchange with. 

So, I'm officially on the hunt for ideas.  I looked around the internet today for some things but nothing caught my eye.  I was talking to mom tonight and I kind of decided that I would do better if I could find things to sew since I'm quickest at that than anything else.  It is time to open my mind and let the thoughts flow. 

In other news - I designed a layout for my next quilt top.  These aren't the colors I'm using, just place markers for different fabrics. 

So, I'm what I like to call "multi-craftual"

Meaning?  I do lots of crafty things....knitting, crochet, sewing, qulilting, embroidery, etc.  If someone asked me what my favorite one is, it would be like picking my favorite child.  Just couldn't do it.  So, with that said here are some new inspirations for me that I found while looking through my grandma's catalogs when I was there the other day.  I will be making all of these at some point I think....

Bryce Thomas. My favorite boy.

What?  You thought I had a boyfriend, didn't you?  Nope....well, kinda but not really....B is my nephew.  M favorite one to be exact - and always will be.

Well, this weekend was B's birthday party.  His first.  Oh my!  I did not realize how emotional I was going to get about all of it.  As I was driving down to my brother's I remembered all of it. The phone call that I got at work from my brother saying that he didn't mind if I came down to swim that weekend but that they wouldn't be there & neither would my nephew.  It took a second to sink in - but they had decided to not find out what they were having, how did he know it was a boy?  I got quiet, and he said that they all were at the hospital and that Jamie had the baby via c-section.  Wait.  What?  She was only at 32 weeks!  What hapened?  What did I miss?  I would soon find it all out....

Apparently Jamie hadn't felt B kick around like he had been, but Trevor (he's an EMT) could find the heartbeat so the doctor just made an appointment for a day or so later.  At that appointment, Jamie was hooked up to the monitors and minutes later was being swept into an OR for an emergency c-section.  The doctors, later told us, that they found that B had had a stroke & had Jamie waited much longer to come in, we wouldn't have the amazing little boy we have today.  In a whirlwind of an afternoon, Jamie had B, B got transported to Dayton Children's with my brother in tow, and my parents and Jamie's parents converged on CMH to be with her.  Once I knew that Jamie was being taken care of, my attention moved to my brother & new nephew.  Thankfully, the Ronald McDonald House across from the hospital had a room available for my brother so he could stay there.  I worked late that night, but the next day I got off early enough to go be with my brother and new 3 pound nephew in the NICU. 

My stomach was in knots all day until I got out of work.  Then they got worse.  I'm not used to being around babies, I am the youngest in my family, let alone sick babies.  How are you supposed to act?  What are you supposed to do?  I left work, went to pick up a special little stuffed dog - we are a family in love with our puppies so I decided that B had to have one too, and headed up to the hospital.  My brother met me at the huge front doors.  I hate hospitals, but a children's hospital made my heart break.  Everytime I walked in that place I saw behind all the colors and got a little sad at what the kids were going through.  Things they didn't choose to go through.  Things they didn't deserve.  Back to B - my brother hadn't eaten all day because of meetings with the doctor's so he wanted to get something to eat before we went to the 4th floor to see my new newphew.  Thank God he did that.  I know he was trying to prepare me for what I was walking into, but nothing could have prepared me for the NICU.  I would not wish that place on my worst enemy.  You don't know that level of desperation until you have a family member there. 

One of the things about the NICU that you might not know is that the closer your isolet is to the doctor's wall, the sicker the baby.  B was in the second row from that wall.  The second row.  That put a lot of the whole situation into perspective for me.  I followed my brother in washing my hands up to my elbows, waiting at the door for the nurse to buzz us in, and then down the aisle to the first isolet in the second row on the left.  All I remember is seeing B hooked to so many wires and tubes, and this silly green sig with his name and a frog above his "box".  I tried to focus on that frog until the rush of tears went away.  It didn't work.  How was this little, super tiny, little slip of a thing supposed to live and grow?  My brain shut down, I started to cry.....then I felt my brother wrap his arm around me and I cried harder into his shoulder.  Right about then, a nurse came up to check B's vitals and she tried to calm me down too.  It didn't work.  My foot started tapping.  My arms came up to my chest.  I tried to shut down further.  I forced myself to ask questions.  When I'm upset or stressed, if I can understand things via questions, usually I feel better.  So I asked question after question after question. 

And so....our family's six week NICU experience began.  I spent as much time as I could with my brother sitting next to B.  I sat there through getting him out, putting him back in, putting clothes on for the first time (did you know that most pre-mies can't wear clothes at first because their skin isn't strong enough for them?), seeing Jamie hold him for the first time, watching him get his first bottle (prior to that he was getting fed via IV and then a feeding tube through his nose and into his belly - he pulled that out a few times!), moving back to the second row from the door (this was very bittersweet for me -I was happy B was getting better but sad for the babies that I knew took his place because they were sicker), watching neighbors come & go (this was hard too - they didn't always leave because they were going home), through everything, I sat there with my brother and B. 

Anyways...through all of that, I couldn't imagine we would get here, but I'm so glad we did..... (that one of my brother speaking?  Yeah, made me cry!)

Happy girl.

I'm super happy to be home!  I missed my big bed so much!  I went to get my mail this morning and instantly smiled when I saw the lady bringing me a large box & right on top was a big envelope.  I knew exactly who it was from!  Haha, even the lady was like, someone sent you something special!  I just laughed and said, yep!  I get the best packages from Camille!  She sent books - both of which I'm excited to get into!  She sent mini notebooks - something I'm rather obsessed with, no kidding....my Etsy favorites list is full of them!  She sent yarn!  She sent so muchhhhh!  I just love all of it!  Thanks ldb! <3!

Just some fun pictures....