I have had this idea bouncing around in my head for a little while and have been debating on if I really want to put it out there, but after the news I got this morning, I think I should. Maybe someone will happen upon this post and will be able to relate....oh! And if you do relate (or just happen upon this...) *PLEASE* *PLEASE* *PLEASE* post a comment, I would love to get to know you!
Let's start in the beginning. On March 1st, I parted ways with my employer. There were extensive issues leading up to it that I'd rather not go into in such a public place, but regardless of blame, it happened. I had a complete breakdown, I mean, full on anxiety attack as I'm trying to drive back home---while on the phone with my mom (my momma will always be the first person I call....always). I ended up not going straight home, I stopped by to see one of my dearest friends who happened to be an old boss of mine. She gave me a lot of insight into the situation. I had all these feelings of not being good enough, not being what someone needed me to be and that's all I really strive for in life, to be the one that is the right person for any situation. Yes, I'm that girl. I have always been, and always will be that girl. I remember the first thing I said to my mom was "I just tried so hard and it wasn't enough, I wasn't good enough."
Sometimes, looking back, I think the instant anxiety came not only from having no idea where to go or what to do, but also from what I knew could be ahead of me. My father was unemployed for over two years, and during that time my mother had two different surgeries and also left her job. My brother also lost his job and then found himself with a pregnant wife (which eventually led to a very sick newborn). We were a DHL family (if you're unfamiliar with that situation, google it) I saw what that did to them and hated that I might have to go through that myself. I didn't think I was strong enough. Didn't think I was prepared at all for something like that. Granted, I wasn't pregnant and didn't have a family relying on me, but I was still upset at the prospect of what could be.
After getting home, I got determined. I got mad. I started looking for work instantly, and applied for unemployment. Some places I have heard from, some I have not. But I put in at least five applications that first day. And more the second. And the third. And so on.....I *never* thought I would hit a month of unemployment. Never! I had poured my heart and soul into a job that I adored, didn't that count for something? Apparently in a world that seems to value a degree above work experience, it didn't. That has been one of the biggest issues I've run into. Instead of going to college right out of high school, I poured myself into work. That's how I was raised, you put yourself wholly into the task at hand. My task was my job. I was the girl that was always available for my employer and that meant not forcing them into working with any type of school schedule like so many of my co-workers.
So, the point to the story is....I have no idea what to do right now. I'm over a month unemployed. Thankfully I had a sudden build up of savings and, while I had to fight a little bit for it, my unemployment does cover my bills completely. I'm trying to stay positive, but it is hard considering I was told this morning that I was not qualified for a job that literally was just pushing patients around a hospital. This girl, the one that has over six years of customer service & finance & management experience and also in the process of getting a B.S. in Psychology is *not* qualified to push people from point a to point b.
The other point to the story might be that I'm pissed off. Any help, guidance, words of encouragement are highly welcome.